I get high on people. It's my only recourse now that I have no other alternative. It's a form of using, but it's reciprocal; people use me similarly. I can tell when they are because when I look into their eyes, I see a definite dilation of the pupils, and I know their mind is flowing more easily. They talk at greater ease and speed than they normally would. I get lost in the rush that follows that realization. I become a surfer riding the wave of their words, but knowledge of the ensuing crash takes me out of it. I get self conscious and my words become harsh without my intentions. This ultimately stops the conversation.
I wish I could just flow like the ink from a pen.
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